, 109 min, 2008
Director: Roland Emmerich
Writers: Roland Emmerich & Harald Kloser (written by)
Stars: Camilla Belle, Steven Strait, Marco Khan
Roland Emmerich’s 10,000 B.C. is a moronic, unconvincing, unegaging, would-be epic of astonishing ineptitude.
D’Leh (Steven Strait) is a warrior in the prehistoric Yaghal tribe who hunts mammoths and is in love with the fair Evolet (Camilla Belle). When Evolet is kidnapped by a vicious band of warlords, Tic’Tic (Cliff Curtis, who had his career high in 1999 with Martin Scorsese’s Bringing Out the Dead and David O. Russell’s Three Kings and, I think, deserves better than this), the tribe elder, leads D’Leh and his people on an epic journey to save her – and the people – from doom.
Roland Emmerich is hardly an auteur, but his films have mostly achieved a certain blockbuster popcorn movie signature, from the terrific (Independence Day) to the utterly awful (Godzilla) and everything in between (Stargateand The Patriot).
Here, Emmerich (who also co-wrote the script) has created an astounding failure of monumental proportions, from the wooden acting to the rather terrible screenplay, and from a plot that alternates from the bewilderingly incomprehensible to the painfully boring, to some spectaculalry underwhelming and unconvincing special effects.
This film, which lumbers along for 109 minutes, at no point registers a hint of wit, craft or style. There isn’t even a moment of unintentional laughter, so depressing are the proceedings. This is a filmmaking dead zone.